Project Manager is so Screwed

From This project manager is so screwed. He needs Standard Time® but doesn't know it yet. Only a zombie apocalypse will save him now... or implementing the project tracking capabilities of Standard Time. Learn how to get your project on track. Learn how to get your tasks under control. Get good project management techniques or shave your head and dance for tips in the subway. :)

Project Manager: Some turd charged a thousand hours on a one week task. Now the client wants me in Dallas.

Passenger: That’s larceny, you’re toast.

Project Manager: Another employee took a sick day and came back 10 weeks later with a tan.

Passenger: Does your wife work?

Project Manager: My project is 16 weeks overdue.

Passenger: I have a razor blade.

Project Manager: Nobody knows what they’re doing. So I cut everyone’s pay until they shape up! The office is on suicide watch.

Passenger: Ditch the client; fly to Mexico.

Project Manager: Do you know of any tools I could use?

Passenger: A meat cleaver?

Project Manager: I am so screwed! I need a solution.

Passenger: Cyanide and coke.

Project Manager: Seriously. The client wants my answer tomorrow.

Passenger: Everybody I know uses Standard Time® for their projects. But yours looks like a dog and monkey act. Do you have a freak show to go with that?

Project Manager: What is Standard Time?

Passenger: If you don’t know by now, update your resume. Highlight your food service experience.

Project Manager: Seriously. Will it work?

Passenger: In your case only a zombie apocalypse could save you!

Project Manager: Could I divert this plane to Cuba?

Passenger: Listen, dude. Got a smartphone? Download the Standard Time time tracking app off the app store. It will get you out of trouble. Look for Scoutwest, Inc.

Project Manager: Yeah?

Passenger: Or get Standard Time off their website. Once the client figures out you have half a brain you won’t have to take your own life.

Project Manager:

Passenger: It’s either that or shave your head and dance for tips in the subway.

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